Tag: thoughts

After The Hiatus

Some days I just felt my life was like a black wall, so plain and boring. This day was not one of those days: the days I would go out and go on with my ‘black wall’ life- I always found it boring, so boring; those were the days I was too lazy to write. Today I woke up with an urge, a desire, to write something, anything. I lay in bed thinking, reflecting, trying to immerse myself in old memories, asking for help from my subconscious. The voice in my head kept reminding me of the Literature essay I had not yet completed. I tried so hard to silence it, push it into nothingness. I tried to feel. I had not felt in a while. It felt foreign.

“Focus”, I told myself. Several pictures played in my head, I could not pick one. I tried to, to feel. I didn’t. What exactly did I want to feel? Emotion. To immerse myself in the memories, I had to feel the emotion, at least that’s what the Writing Workshop had taught me. I had to picture how I felt in that particular event I wanted to write on. I felt, but it was fleeting. As the several pictures danced in my head, Mr Brain sent different signals: joy, pain, sadness, embarrassment. It was a flood.

I could not take it anymore. As much as I tried to focus on one, another would come and distract it. It was like all the memories were fighting for my attention, but this time I did not like it. Frustrated, I got out, no, dragged myself, out of bed and trudged, rather unenthusiastically, to the bathroom. I was going to be late for school.

The cold drops of water raced down my naked body as I stood in the shower. I had grown to love cold showers, even in the dry season when it was really cold in the mornings. I guess it was just that chilly feeling which made me think of the cold days during my holidays in London. I would always remark about how I loved the weather, compared to the hot climate we had here in the tropics. My cousin would laugh and wish I was there to witness the really bad winter days, then I would not love the weather so much anymore. I missed her, my cousin. She had been there, in most of my childhood memories. Now I hardly saw her, well because she lived in another continent. I had always admired her, I still do. I squirted some body wash on my sponge and began to scrub my body in perfected motions. The scent reminded me of her, lavender, her lavender perfume that I used sometimes without her consent. That smell still lingered in my memory, I missed her so much.

I stared at the puddle of water that had formed at my feet and watched the drops of water fall into it, making it ripple. It made me remember jumping in puddles, which had formed when it rained, while walking home from school as a little girl. I always got my socks dirty and my mom would scold me for that. After the scolding, I would still do the same thing the next day, not caring. I missed that feeling, wanting to live in the moment, not caring about what people would think. I was careful of my actions now, too careful, overthinking things.

As I turned off the shower and grabbed my towel, it hit me. How I despised stressful school life, the frustration of not being able to feel, how I loved cold showers, how I missed my cousin so much, how I hated how I changed from being a carefree child to this overly sensitive teenager, these were all things I had felt this morning, things I could write about. All that time, I thought I couldn’t feel, but I had felt more than I wanted to.

I’m sorry for leaving for so long.

Sugar cookie kisses,
Aanu

The Heart Lender

broken-heart-1436923

“Never again”, I said
Every single time I cried.
I kept saying I wouldn’t go back
You had left on me a scar, a mark;
Broken me inside, a thousand pieces
Shaken by a series of shivers and sobbings.

“Never again”, I promised myself
To leave our past on the shelf
To gather up dust. Memories
To be recollected by occasional reveries
Of when you had brought me back,
To you it was just a lark.

“Never again”, I promised
But that statement was missed,
Lost in the swift enchantment
Of your fast-dying Love and commitment.
But oh what a supreme blunder
As I was back crying, sad as ever.

“Never again”, I say,
Meaning it with all the rays of May.
The final curtain’s been drawn,
That chapter closed and gone.
Never again will I lend you my heart,
And that I mean with all that’s left of my Might.
 

Photo Credit: Kiomi

Tangy Orange kisses,
Aanu

 

 

 

Musings on a School Trip

Sitting on the bus;

My laptop on my laps;

Talking to no one;

My friends are in the other bus, how sad.

Now I’m next to a guy;

I’m probably not going to talk him for the rest of the trip;

It’s so hot out today, a perfect day ice cream;

Why do I have to go to school??

Okay I know the answer to that, but still…

A couple sitting in front of me;

They’re probably going to kiss soon;

I feel nauseated already;

I hate school trips;

Sleep calls…

Why Am I Here?

When I started this blog, I had just one goal: to share my thoughts with people through spoken word and poetry. Basically, writing on anything that popped into my head. However, as time went, I began to see there’s so much more I can do besides writing poetry.

I found the Blogging U. courses and found a way to improve my Writing skills. Since I started the blog I’ve done just Writing 201 but even that, to a great extent has opened my eyes to new forms of poetry and how I can express myself better. I have also connected with many other bloggers/writers who have also encouraged and inspired me.

As I continue with this blog, I hope to connect with many other bloggers and writers and learn more from them, life is a learning process so one can never stop learning. I also want to take up more Blogging U. courses to improve my Writing skills and help me to see things from a wider point of view.

I hope to never lose inspiration to continue this blog, and if it is ever lost, I hope it is renewed again and again.

X,
Aanu

Past Mistakes

Past Mistakes

If I say I am a perfect human I would be wrong. I make mistakes, we all do. But one thing I know, one thing I stand by, is that when I make a mistake I try as much as possible not to make that same mistake anymore.

It is just like when you are solving a math equation, if you do not get it right the first time, you go back, look at what you did wrong and correct it. So the next time you’re solving a similar equation you will be careful not to make that same mistake again.

I just resumed school but we have had two assessments already. In the first assessment, I did not really do well in my essays because I made some mistakes. In my reports, my teachers commented on the things I did right and the things I did, well, not so right. They also advised me on how I could improve on my essays.

Putting what they told me into consideration, I wrote my second assessment and looked out for all those mistakes. When I was done, I was sure I had written better essays than the ones I wrote in my first assessment.

The point I am trying to make is that, many people have different principles and codes they live by, but if there is only one thing I stand for, it is not repeating past mistakes.

Get at me in the comments section, what principles do you live by?

Photo: Free Images

X,
Aanu