“OMG this is so awful!”, she told me. It was a big blow to my ego, “Why would you even think of doing this?!”, she asked, partly yelling. The little guy stumbled inside me as the punch had landed right on his eye. I wondered why she always did this, trying to put me down, to discourage me. She made me feel like whatever I did never made sense, that I was stupid for even trying something new. “This will never work”, the other girl said in agreement. I was shocked, I thought she would support me, I thought she was my ‘Day 1’, but she supported HER, the ego puncher. I felt really bad, I wanted to curl up into a ball on the floor and cry. They weren’t my friends, they never were, I had to cut them off. I had to walk away. I did.
“OMG this is so awful!”, I told her. Why did she have to be so perfect? She could do everything I wished I could, then she came to show me just to rub it in my face.”Why would you even think of doing this?!”, I asked, partly yelling. She made me sad, made me feel like a failure. I didn’t mean to put her down but I had to, I wanted her to feel the same way I felt, sad, irrelevant, of no use in this life and probably the next. “This will never work”, the other girl said. She had finally begun to feel the same way, irrelevant. The ‘ever-so-perfect’ girl looked like she wasn’t expecting that, well too bad. I could already see the tears in her eyes, she looked hurt, broken, exactly how I always felt. I thought I had gotten what I wanted, but then she walked away and I lost that sense of accomplishment; something sank inside of me, deep.
“OMG this is so awful!”, she told her. I watched as her happy face changed to a portrait of sadness and frustration. She was really good at this, I thought, but she was too good. She made the rest of us feel useless. But, of course, it was not her fault. The rest of us were too scared to try new things like her, she was the only brave one, that was why we felt as if we were living in her shadow. She had encouraged me sometimes to explore with her, but I was scared, scared of the unknown. “This will never work”, I said. I had to cut down her wings, bring her down to my level, I didn’t feel good living in her shadow. But as I looked at her, I knew I had hurt her, I knew what I did was totally wrong. I opened my mouth to apologise but closed it back before anyone could notice. I had to do that, I thought, but then she walked away and I felt mad at myself, I had lost my best friend.
This post was inspired by Kelechi Ochulo’s Words of Encouragement
Pink Lemonade kisses,