After The Hiatus

Some days I just felt my life was like a black wall, so plain and boring. This day was not one of those days: the days I would go out and go on with my ‘black wall’ life- I always found it boring, so boring; those were the days I was too lazy to write. Today I woke up with an urge, a desire, to write something, anything. I lay in bed thinking, reflecting, trying to immerse myself in old memories, asking for help from my subconscious. The voice in my head kept reminding me of the Literature essay I had not yet completed. I tried so hard to silence it, push it into nothingness. I tried to feel. I had not felt in a while. It felt foreign.

“Focus”, I told myself. Several pictures played in my head, I could not pick one. I tried to, to feel. I didn’t. What exactly did I want to feel? Emotion. To immerse myself in the memories, I had to feel the emotion, at least that’s what the Writing Workshop had taught me. I had to picture how I felt in that particular event I wanted to write on. I felt, but it was fleeting. As the several pictures danced in my head, Mr Brain sent different signals: joy, pain, sadness, embarrassment. It was a flood.

I could not take it anymore. As much as I tried to focus on one, another would come and distract it. It was like all the memories were fighting for my attention, but this time I did not like it. Frustrated, I got out, no, dragged myself, out of bed and trudged, rather unenthusiastically, to the bathroom. I was going to be late for school.

The cold drops of water raced down my naked body as I stood in the shower. I had grown to love cold showers, even in the dry season when it was really cold in the mornings. I guess it was just that chilly feeling which made me think of the cold days during my holidays in London. I would always remark about how I loved the weather, compared to the hot climate we had here in the tropics. My cousin would laugh and wish I was there to witness the really bad winter days, then I would not love the weather so much anymore. I missed her, my cousin. She had been there, in most of my childhood memories. Now I hardly saw her, well because she lived in another continent. I had always admired her, I still do. I squirted some body wash on my sponge and began to scrub my body in perfected motions. The scent reminded me of her, lavender, her lavender perfume that I used sometimes without her consent. That smell still lingered in my memory, I missed her so much.

I stared at the puddle of water that had formed at my feet and watched the drops of water fall into it, making it ripple. It made me remember jumping in puddles, which had formed when it rained, while walking home from school as a little girl. I always got my socks dirty and my mom would scold me for that. After the scolding, I would still do the same thing the next day, not caring. I missed that feeling, wanting to live in the moment, not caring about what people would think. I was careful of my actions now, too careful, overthinking things.

As I turned off the shower and grabbed my towel, it hit me. How I despised stressful school life, the frustration of not being able to feel, how I loved cold showers, how I missed my cousin so much, how I hated how I changed from being a carefree child to this overly sensitive teenager, these were all things I had felt this morning, things I could write about. All that time, I thought I couldn’t feel, but I had felt more than I wanted to.

I’m sorry for leaving for so long.

Sugar cookie kisses,
Aanu

2015: It’s A Wrap

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It’s the last day of the year,

Be happy and of good cheer.

The Lord has kept us thus far

Through trials we didn’t think mattered.

2015 was a ride,

We conquered the bumps and hurdles with pride.

Now we glide into the new year,

Another time to wish the ones I hold so dear

And everyone reading this

A 2016 of Joy and Bliss.

Happy New Year!

I would love to say a big Thank You to everyone that has shown me love since I started this blog 3 months ago. I have found joy in all the love and support that has been shown  to me and I am very very grateful.

Thank you Jacqueline, Writersdream9, Ishma Imroz, David and Amina for your numerous encouraging comments. I would alsoo love to thank everyone that has been reading my posts and put as much as a like on each of them, you all are the real MVPs haha!

See You In 2016!!!

Red Velvet kisses,
Aanu.

 

Christmas Gratitude

Merry Christmas loves, I hope we are all having a good one. So today I came across Dawn’s blog in which she put it out to us fellow bloggers to make a list of 50 things that made us happy/ we are grateful for in 2015. You can read more about the instructions here if you’re interested too. Anyways, in the 10 minute time frame I set, I was able to write just 46 things boo hoo, but that’s still commendable right? (Speed typists hold your peace!). Well so, in no particular order, here are my Happy Things for the year 2015!

  1. I’m grateful for life, and life in good health too.
  2. I’m grateful for my family who has always been my backbone in everything, the whole world may reject me but my family will always stand by me.
  3. I’m thankful for the people I can call my best friends, they know all my flaws but still love me.
  4. I’m also grateful for the other ‘not-so-close’ friends who I can always have a laugh with once in a while.
  5. I’m grateful for good food!
  6. I’m always happy when I get to eat cake (especially chocolate!)
  7. I’m grateful for WordPress Blogging University which has unleashed the budding writer in me and also allowed me to connect with various other wonderful bloggers from all over the world
  8. I’m grateful for peace within me and in Nigeria.
  9. I’m grateful for the fact that I can show love and I’m not deprived of love myself.
  10. I’m grateful for faith – the fact that I believe in something, in the truth that God sent his son, Jesus, to die for our sins so we may be saved.
  11. I’m grateful to you guys who read and comment on my blog, you really encourage me and make my writing worthwhile.
  12. I’m grateful to other budding poets and writers like me, whose works have helped me through difficult times.
  13. I’m grateful for really good, uplifting music .
  14. I’m grateful for a good laptop.
  15. I’m grateful for a good phone too.
  16. I’m grateful for emojis which have always helped me when I can’t find the right words to text back.
  17. I’m grateful for God’s grace.
  18. I’m grateful for the fact that I go to a good school.
  19. I’m grateful for good grades also.
  20. I’m grateful for the fact that I was able to get over heartbreak.
  21. I’m grateful for my black flats which are always my saving grace when I just can’t pick what shoes to wear.
  22. Funny Instagram videos make me happy when I’m down and I’m grateful for that.
  23. Words of encouragement from Aunties and Uncles have helped me through difficult times.
  24. I’m grateful for discouraging words that have helped me know who my real friends are.
  25. I’m grateful for the WordPress community, you all are so loving and supportive.
  26. Twitter fights have given me a good laugh once in a while.
  27. I’m happy when I watch Dj Khaled’s motivational snaps, Bless Up!
  28. I’m thankful for Amina’s thoughts, and the fact that she’s using her blog as a medium of sharing the word of God to people.
  29. I’m grateful for my sister from another mother, Agbara.
  30. I’m grateful for birthdays, and more cake!
  31. I’m happy that I’m growing taller haha.
  32. I’m grateful for everything chocolate.
  33. I’m grateful for Yummly’s excellent mouth-watering dessert recipes.
  34. I’m so thankful for my friends at church, such nice people.
  35. I’m happy that I’m learning the piano a little bit more.
  36. I’m happy when I cuddle my teddy bear, Davoy.
  37. I’m grateful for my literature teacher, Mr Abraham, who always encourages us to argue with him.
  38. I’m grateful for my favourite black and white striped skirt.
  39. I’m grateful for family picnics at church, more food!
  40. I’m happy at the fact that people love my poems.
  41. I’m grateful for funny Snapchat stories.
  42. Motivational blog posts keep me going and I’m grateful for them.
  43. I’m grateful for this one time one of my tweets got over 300 retweets.
  44. I’m happy at the fact that I have someone to always vent with, Ayooluwa.
  45. I’m thankful for my graduation from High School.
  46. And last but not least, I’m thankful for the new friends I’ve made in these few months at College.
That was a long list innit? You can do yours too by following the instruction in the link I provided above and I guarantee you’ll feel a lot happier afterwards.
I hope the blessings, joy and abundance of this season will be ours.

Merry Merry Christmas!!!

Chocolate cake kisses,
Aanu

 

‘Tis The Season

Hi there! I’m back again haha. I’m really sorry for this ‘on again-off again’ thing I’ve been doing, you know school and all, but I’m glad to be done for this term and it’s almost Christmas (yay!). I’m not really a fan of the holidays (I know, weird), I just don’t really feel any vibe when Christmas is here, coupled with the fact that I don’t really do anything special for the holidays, just stay home and watch TV.

I’m not saying that the idea of Christmas is vacuous or anything, in fact it’s the total opposite of that as it signifies the birth of Jesus Christ, the one who God sent to die for the world. So why don’t I feel the vibe? It’s because Christmas has lost its meaning over the years. I tend to forget that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and focus on all the partying and food (btw I don’t eat that much and I get bored at parties haha). So with that on my mind, I tend to almost dread the coming of Christmas, but with time I’ve come to realise that Christmas is not just about the eating and drinking…

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Christ was born in this season;
Heaven sent, this is the lesson,
Remember this, take time to reason;
In Bethlehem, born to die,
Sent by God, bringing redemption from the lie.
Think about this in your heart, because in the
Midst of all the merriment and party,
All this is about Jesus,
Sent down for a great cause.

So with that in mind, Give, Love, Rejoice!

Merry Christmas in advance!!!

 

Photo Credit: Free Images/Julia Freeman-Woolpert

 

Gingerbread cookie kisses,
Aanu

 

Evil Envy

“OMG this is so awful!”, she told me. It was a big blow to my ego, “Why would you even think of doing this?!”, she asked, partly yelling. The little guy stumbled inside me as the punch had landed right on his eye. I wondered why she always did this, trying to put me down, to discourage me. She made me feel like whatever I did never made sense, that I was stupid for even trying something new. “This will never work”, the other girl said in agreement. I was shocked, I thought she would support me, I thought she was my ‘Day 1’, but she supported HER, the ego puncher. I felt really bad, I wanted to curl up into a ball on the floor and cry. They weren’t my friends, they never were, I had to cut them off. I had to walk away. I did.


 

“OMG this is so awful!”, I told her. Why did she have to be so perfect? She could do everything I wished I could, then she came to show me just to rub it in my face.”Why would you even think of doing this?!”, I asked, partly yelling. She made me sad, made me feel like a failure. I didn’t mean to put her down but I had to, I wanted her to feel the same way I felt, sad, irrelevant, of no use in this life and probably the next. “This will never work”, the other girl said. She had finally begun to feel the same way, irrelevant. The ‘ever-so-perfect’ girl looked like she wasn’t expecting that, well too bad. I could already see the tears in her eyes, she looked hurt, broken, exactly how I always felt. I thought I had gotten what I wanted, but then she walked away and I lost that sense of accomplishment; something sank inside of me, deep.


 

“OMG this is so awful!”, she told her. I watched as her happy face changed to a portrait of sadness and frustration. She was really good at this, I thought, but she was too good. She made the rest of us feel useless. But, of course, it was not her fault. The rest of us were too scared to try new things like her, she was the only brave one, that was why we felt as if we were living  in her shadow. She had encouraged me sometimes to explore with her, but I was scared, scared of the unknown. “This will never work”, I said. I had to cut down her wings, bring her down to my level, I didn’t feel good living in her shadow. But as I looked at her, I knew I had hurt her, I knew what I did was totally wrong. I opened my mouth to apologise but closed it back before anyone could notice. I had to do that, I thought, but then she walked away and I felt mad at myself, I had lost my best friend.


 

This post was inspired by Kelechi Ochulo’s Words of Encouragement

Pink Lemonade kisses,
Aanu
 

The Heart Lender

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“Never again”, I said
Every single time I cried.
I kept saying I wouldn’t go back
You had left on me a scar, a mark;
Broken me inside, a thousand pieces
Shaken by a series of shivers and sobbings.

“Never again”, I promised myself
To leave our past on the shelf
To gather up dust. Memories
To be recollected by occasional reveries
Of when you had brought me back,
To you it was just a lark.

“Never again”, I promised
But that statement was missed,
Lost in the swift enchantment
Of your fast-dying Love and commitment.
But oh what a supreme blunder
As I was back crying, sad as ever.

“Never again”, I say,
Meaning it with all the rays of May.
The final curtain’s been drawn,
That chapter closed and gone.
Never again will I lend you my heart,
And that I mean with all that’s left of my Might.
 

Photo Credit: Kiomi

Tangy Orange kisses,
Aanu

 

 

 

Sharing Wednesday

Hi guys! So I’m starting something called the Sharing Wednesday where share poetry or any work of art I found interesting in the past week. Enjoy!


So this is something that was written by my very good friend, Israel. I really loved it so I just had to share it, it has no title yet though but I just had to!

A question that sometimes drives me hazy,
Am I or are the others crazy?
I hear and see a lot of persons
Utter the words:
“There’s no God”,
“God is dead”,
And each time,
I wonder, are they drunks?
Are they possessed?
Or simply ignorant of the fact that God is just merciful? That’s why
They can still breathe after uttering such.

You went to bed last night
With no idea how you were gonna wake up,
But, you did wake up,
Now, tell me, who made that happen?,
You go about your daily activities and nothing harmful comes your way,
How did that happen?
Your wife takes in and in the space of nine months,
A new being, well formed and designed is born,
And yet you’ve the nerve to say there’s no God,
That he doesn’t exist,
How dare you?!

The sole reason why you were created was to bring glory to his name,
So, if your life is not preaching God, then you’re being ungrateful.
Restitute your ways!
You shall succeed.

Oreo chocolate kisses,
Aanu